I Wish I Had No Sex Drive

I'm just a human, so I won't complain to God about the way He does things.  Heck, I can't even run my own life perfectly, much less the entire universe.  But, I just wish I didn't have a sex drive.  You see, I work every single day, putting in at least 80 hours per week.  A few years ago I worked in San Francisco, and commuted daily the ninety-three miles to and from work to home, faithfully doing this for my family.

What does this have to do with sex? Well, it's one of the few things that keep me going in this pretend game. I'm lucky if I get it once or twice a month, if there was such a thing as luck. So here I am working every single day. Does her furry monster work every day for me? No.  I'm "lucky" if that defective, stinky thing works once a month.  It's yet another reason to hate her. I wish I had no sex drive.

I would never marry again after our divorce, which I'm planning out.  But sometimes I'd like to imagine someone with whom I'd have an instant attraction with, someone who I can truly love, and someone who will truly respect and admire me.  Maybe, but it's futile to put hope in people.

Betrayal By Speech

This one should actually be dated 11/23/2011, because it happened yesterday morning.  Mary, my ungracious wife, tells her stupid mother, "Chi Sing", directing its reference to me after I thumped my fist on my desk in frustration at my thoughts.  She thinks I'm too stupid to know what it means, or that it's being addressed to me.  I already know she doesn't respect me, but why take it further?  She asks me why I did it, to which I offer no response.  She repeats "chi sing", and her ugly, stupid mother laughs.  Despite Mary's protestations of love, this demonstrates clearly that not only does she have a lack of respect for me, but she doesn't truly love me.  Well, the feeling is mutual.  This episode is just another reason to hate her.

I hate having to pretend I love her, just for the kids' sake.  I hate having to kiss her ugly face, and see it every single day, that gaping hole of a mouth constantly complaining about her life, wishing she were dead, yadda yadda yadda.  Excuse me, she's the one who's depressed when I made the mistake of marrying a super-ugly drama queen that doesn't respect me, that's squandered away our financial health, that yells at the children and calls them names?!  I can't wait till the youngest turns eighteen, and I can finally be free.  I hate living this lie, and I hate this pretend game.